This post was created 2 years ago. Drawing from my own life experiences and knowing, I share my perspective on how we may grow towards a more compassionate understanding of each person’s journey in life. Please feel free to share your comments and feedback.
“A WASTED TALENT…”
“Jaymie, you are a wasted talent.” ….A statement from a long-time family friend, (New Zealander) who I reconnected with around 10 years ago. The person’s intentions were well meaning. The statement came from a place of admiration for my artistic talents but also a concern. I would be lying if I said these words did not hurt – and they have remained with me to this day.
On reflection, I know this person’s statement was possibly how they were feeling about their own unfulfilled dreams, gifts and potential…I could feel sadness in her words …. A sadness which was hers, not mine.
The energy and symbolism behind her words has been a common thread throughout my life. A thread or belief, which is about “never feeling good enough”….which then leads into a deeper feeling of shame.
In our modern world, there is much pressure and expectation to achieve through our mind or body. I’ve touched on this subject several times in earlier posts. In this post, I want to address this growing pressure, which is affecting our young people and what we need to focus on – if we choose a path of healing and transformation.
The fact is, in our modern world people judge success externally, like being “well known” …making a lot of money… owning or accumulating material possessions…. flying here and there around the world…. being physically attractive and fit… or being “driven”, motivated, positive or always busy.
In my own life, the pressure I have felt to achieve and appear perfect on the outside has challenged me to redefine what success really means. In my early twenties, I realised that societies definition of success and perfection would never fit who I truly am and the only way I could find real happiness and fulfilment was to follow the guidance of my own heart and soul.
On reflection, I see that from the “outside” the choices I made and the path I forged and created for myself may have appeared irrational, unconventional, obscure and unplanned to some people. However, as I began to view my life choices more from the “inside” and less how others and society perceived me, I came to realise that the most important was that I listened to my own intuition and followed my heart and soul. I now know that this way never demonstrates a carefully-calculated-straight–path because it is open to flow and spontaneously change as we grow to become more authentically who we are.
We have a choice…
we can choose a path, accepted by society and others…
or follow our heart – often into the unknown.
On this path, we may be mis-understood and challenged by many
but the rewards are, we grow towards our authenticity,
integrity, creativity, soulful possibilities and fulfilment…
OUR GREATEST ”WORK” IS TO HONOUR OUR SOUL JOURNEY
AND GROW TOWARDS BEING OUR TRUE SELF.
Our Soul Journey is a slow but steady process where we increasingly open ourselves to look at the truth in our heart, in our relationships, people and the world around us. In order to grow, we need to be challenged and it is our relationships which provide us with many opportunities to do our inner work.
When we leave this body, we do not take with us our superficial human “goals and achievements” or any of our “materialistic successes”. It’s the energy of who we are and what we share with others, which is most important.
It is not important or possible for everyone to understand us – but it is important that we are being true to our heart. Our Soul Journey is about whether we are living, being, feeling and sharing in harmony with our heart and who we truly are.
HEALING OUR GENERATIONAL WOUNDS.
My birth nation, New Zealand has the highest rate of teen suicide in the world – for the second year in a row. The latest Unicef report has NZ towards the bottom of the developed world (38th out of 41 countries) in relation to the health and wellbeing of children and youth.
A long period of selfish, poor and uncompassionate government choices is a justified target or vent for our blame, anger and frustration. But more important for ourselves and the collective consciousness of all New Zealanders (and the world), is if we focus on our own personal healing and shadow work.
Our shadow encompasses everything we do not “like” about ourselves – it is the suppressed, hidden parts of ourselves, which we have never acknowledged but long for our conscious awareness, understanding, truth, love and integration. The more we ignore or suppress our shadow – the more it grows in power and manifests in self- harming, self-destructive patterns. The more we find the courage to openly acknowledge, heal and transform our shadow – the more light and compassion we bring into our relationship with ourselves, others and the world.
Healing and transformational changes will not occur
without serious inner work to do with our own personal shadow –
as well as the shadow of the culture/nation we live in…
The generational wounds of a nation or “ancestral wounding”
are where core beliefs about our self-worth,
historical and family trauma are passed on from generation to generation
–unless we contribute to healing this through our own inner work.
It is the wounded masculine (perfectionism, over-achieving and controlling, unable to express sadness or sorrow, ignorance, stubbornness, rigidity) which overrides, neglects and ridicules the sacred feminine (sensitivity, creativity, feeling, intuition, compassion, gentleness, being and nurturing).
Of course, these are wounds which extend far beyond New Zealand and deep into our modern human history, psyche and collective consciousness. However, the wounded masculine energy is vividly portrayed and often glorified within the New Zealand culture.
Around 14 years ago, a New Zealand male friend of mine committed suicide (aged 23 years old). In his suicide note, he apologised to friends and family saying that he could no longer go on because he was “so tired”. My friend was a funny, gifted, highly creative, very sensitive and caring soul. In the final years of his life, we both moved to opposite ends of New Zealand and sadly, I lost my once close connection with him. Because of this, I do not wish to assume what was going on in his mind at the time he took his own life.
However, based on my understanding of his difficult past and the trauma he had experienced in his early life – I do believe he was tired of fighting – for his true self – and having to shut himself down – in order to “fit in” or function in society that largely excludes and ridicules the softer, feminine qualities, which are more prominent in some men.
My friend was an outsider his whole life in terms of fitting in to the typical Kiwi male “accepted persona”. For those who are unaware, the “harden up, stay staunch” attitude is prolific in New Zealand culture. The conservative Kiwi males do not find it easy to talk about their feelings and emotions. However, what made my friend so unique and special was that he had been through so much in his life – and this meant he had so much sensitivity and compassion to share with others.
Of course, I know that my friend is still with me now and the act of taking his own life – did not mean he “failed”, he was “punished” or that his suicide was the “ultimate sin” (as some religious dogmas would have us believe).
I know that his journey of learning and growth continues and he found relief from “tiredness” after leaving his physical body. I also believe that if he was able to change his mind and move through his internal blockages towards self-healing – the universe (Spirit, God, Creator, Angels – whichever words describe a Higher Power for you) would have staged an intervention and he would not have succeeded in taking his own life.
ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE KNOWN DARKNESS,…
CAN TRULY APPRECIATE THE LIGHT…
“Human nature is constructed in such a way,
that you end up learning much more from a life of suffering
than from a life of ease. That does not mean that I recommend
a quest for suffering or anything like that.
But this is what I want. To make people understand:
you can always pick yourself up again.
Its always worth it starting from zero again, once, or a thousand times,
as long as you’re still alive. That’s the biggest lesson in life.
In other words, you are not defeated until you give up the fight.
You give up the fight by giving up the dream.
Fighting, dreaming, being down on the ground,
confronting reality, that’s what gives meaning to existence…
to the lives we lead.”
– José Mujica (former President of Uruguay)
Right now, the reality is that New Zealand’s rate for teen suicides (15-19 years old) is the highest of the 41 OECD and EU countries included. In an average week, two young people kill themselves, and about 20 young people are hospitalised for self-harm, (according to Youthline report for 2016).
These statistics tell us that something very serious is being over-looked or hidden. In any culture, country or nation, the youth are our future and therefore the responsibility of all.
Will these young (obviously) sensitive souls who have taken their own lives, awaken people to their own shadow and the shadow wounds of a nation?
The wounded masculine – warrior, aggressive energy – needs the sacred feminine to heal and create a much-needed balance, inner peace, personal self-care and respect, sensitivity to our own and others feelings, love, nurturing, compassion and wholeness.
Perhaps the first step towards healing – is to create better forms of communication and open discussion so that young people can feel safe and supported to express themselves and truly be heard. While suicide is a delicate subject for many people, it should not be closed to discussion and hidden behind shame, self-blame and closed doors.
Are we, the women and men of New Zealand ready to support and encourage these open, supportive, compassionate discussions – after having spent time working on healing and transforming our own shadow?
THE DIVINE MASCULINE AND FEMININE ENERGIES
EXIST WITHIN EACH ONE OF US.
We are here to learn from each other in relationships so that we can heal, balance and harmonise the masculine and feminine energies within us.
As we heal and grow, we can offer support for each other on this journey with love, understanding and compassion – especially our youth as they make choices, expand their sense of identity, and search for freedom to express their authentic voice in the world.
We all have the potential to be gentle and nurturing. We all can develop our intuitive and compassionate feeling for people, animals and nature. We all have a divine creative spark, which longs to be manifested here on earth – our true potential.
Likewise, we all have the capacity to be strong, while carrying a flame of truth, courage, authenticity and integrity.
Let us be like the moon and the sun…or water and fire…. earth mother and sky father. A divine marriage between the masculine and feminine power is what creates true harmony, healing, love, creative energy, peace and balance on earth.
Sound a bit idealistic or dreamlike?… maybe! … Most of us have never experienced or identified with a true and healthy role model of the sacred feminine and masculine energies. It is helpful to remember that whatever challenging stages or cycles we are moving through on our healing journey, there is always going to be a mysterious, magnetic pull towards union or a sacred dance searching for creative expression inside and outside of us …. just look to nature… and you realise this is happening around us, every moment.
Dancing Masculine / Feminine Chestnut Tree – Italian Alps
WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT EACH SOUL IS HERE FOR, ON EARTH.
SO THEREFORE, WE SHOULD NOT JUDGE THE PATH OF OTHERS.
Each soul incarnates and re-incarnates on to earth with different lessons to learn. A soul family and country provides the opportunities and challenges (a foundation – a structure) for these lessons to be offered and it is then the free will choice of each soul to complete and fulfil them.
Even if we do not understand the path a young person chooses – it’s not our place to judge or project onto them from our own unfulfilled dreams, expectations and beliefs about life and our own ego-based “ambitions”.
Unfortunately, too often,
the subtle, critical comments
are slipping out unconsciously…
It is much easier to project on to others
rather than become conscious of our own
unhealed wounds and shadow.
Overtime, these comments build up the voice of our “inner critic” – potentially becoming very destructive to a young person’s self-worth and feeling about their own unique identity and path in life.
Let us be conscious of the impact we have on those around us with our words and projections.
Let us continue to be devoted to our own inner work and Soul Journey, so that we may offer soul wisdom (gained through our own life experiences), compassion and loving support to others.
Let us be the leader and wise friend we ourselves would have loved to know – when we were a young person.
A compassionate and courageous leader knows;
– New paths towards light, compassion and transformation
only come through fully experiencing our inner places of darkness and despair.
– There is immense value in our on-going inner work
(truth seeking, personal healing, shadow work and self discovery.)
– Difficulties and challenges viewed from a ‘soul perspective’ enable us to see
– we are each provided with the perfect lessons and opportunities
to grow deeper in love, truth and wisdom on our Soul Journey.
“The past is not a burden;
it is a scaffold which brought us to this day.
We are free to be who we are –
to create our own life
out of our past and out of the present.
We are our ancestors.
When we can heal ourselves, we also heal our ancestors,
our grandmothers, our grandfathers, and our children.
When we heal ourselves, we heal Mother Earth.”
– Grandmother Rita Pitka Blumenstein
Copyright © Jaymie Elder 2017 – Please only use this text unless written permission is received from Jaymie Elder. If you wish to use only some of this text on social media – please do so respectfully by acknowledging Jaymie as the author with links to her website/blog http://www.rainbowtreewoman.com. All photography in this post (except male and female Lion): Copyright © Jaymie Elder / Juerg Dreamturtle 2017
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Jaymie Elder is a soul journey guide, artist, photographer and traveller offering intuitive guidance/Soul Sessions internationally via Skype. Jaymie is dedicated to supporting others to heal and grow towards their authentic self – and a life in harmony with their heart and soul being. Learn more about Jaymie and her work here.
“I have spent many years, working through
the generational wounds of the men and women in my family.
During this time, I discovered positive characteristics
but also negative beliefs about my self-worth and my capacity
to create an authentic and fulfilling life from my creative and soul gifts.
I see both the shadow and the light portrayed. I’m grateful I chose
my family and New Zealand as my birth country
and for the many opportunities to heal and grow deeper on my Soul Journey.”
– Jaymie Elder