Working with our Shadow in a Soul Relationship

Everybody wants a loving relationship,… but few people are really open or prepared for the ongoing commitment and challenge of shadow work i.e. to take full responsibility for our own projections, inner child wounds and personal healing.

Relationships are so important because the deeper we are connected to someone physically, emotionally and spiritually – the greater the opportunity or catalyst for healing our inner child and transforming our core family and generational wounds.

Without this awareness, we may continue to protect or react from our wounds (hurt inner child) through becoming defensive, angry and blaming others, shutting down or avoiding intimacy altogether.

If we pretend that everything is wonderful and perfect on the outside, we deny ourselves the sacred opportunity to work with the truth – the unpleasant emotions that get triggered in us. It is only through acknowledging that our shadow/wounds exist, that we can begin to grow towards being more authentic and truthful with ourselves and others.

The truth is, we need relationships to trigger the wounds we have protected and tried to bury deep within our unconscious. As children, we developed unhealthy patterns, behaviors and beliefs in order to survive our family and society’s circumstances. However, as mature adults, we have a responsibility to consciously work with our history, our family story, our inner child, so that we do not continue to pass on our unhealed past and wounds.

Our soul acts like a magnet to attract the perfect partner and circumstances for healing and transformation to occur. As we work with the opportunities a soul partner offers us to heal and grow, we can embrace our shadow with love, forgiveness and soul understanding. As we continue with this work, we open ourselves towards a deeper capacity to feel and share love.

 

The soul purpose of a relationship is to share love and help each other heal and grow.


Love Sculptor
“Love” by Sculptor Alexander Milov

 

In life, and especially in our relationships,
we often do not “like”
what is being mirrored back to us or triggered by another.

We can choose to protect or defend our wounds,
turn our backs on each other
and walk away from the challenge presented to us.

However, life experience shows –
our unconscious, childhood wounds tend to follow us
into the next relationship… and the next.

In time, we realise that wisdom, self-awareness and maturity
come from looking deep inside
the childhood wounds we carry with us.

Wounds, which require another
to bring them into our conscious awareness
so that they may be faced, transformed and healed.

When we are conscious of our inner child’s needs,
we can step away and disengage from a cycle
of outer criticism, projection and blame.

We can recognise our own shadow parts –
longing to be transformed with love, understanding,
non-judgment, compassion, patience and gentleness.

We focus our energy and time
on the inner changes, we need to make
and the most important personal work we are here for.

When both partners are open to feel and connect
with their unhealed childhood wounds that get triggered,
they have an opportunity to progress
with their inner work of healing and growing.

An intuitive guide can be very helpful to support us
in connecting with what is at the core

of our triggered emotional reactions.

He or she may also offer us beneficial tools
to support our inner child’s needs

for love, compassion and inner safety.

We can therefore approach our challenges as opportunities
to share and grow more together
towards wholeness, love and respect for each other.

With each obstacle on our path,
we have an opportunity to rise together,
reaching deeper levels of love, intimacy and healing.

A soul union is about complementing,
supporting and enhancing
our unique energies and gifts.

It’s also about being challenged –
to confront our old identity, conditioning
and past limited ways of being in the world.

A soul relationship can liberate us from our past –
supporting and encouraging us
to become all we can be.

The soul purpose of a relationship
is to share love
and help each other heal and grow.

 

The most important journey in life leads us deep inside ourselves!


If we can not be honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with another? In a nurturing and loving relationship with the Self, we acknowledge our shadow in a way that we do not criticise or judge ourselves harshly. We understand its purpose for being there – to provide the lessons and challenges so that we may grow.

In an honest, conscious relationship both partners know that we touch each other’s wounds – and therefore the relationship can offer us a powerful tool for healing, growth and transformation.

male and female lion

“Every moment, it is our sacred choice,
how open we are to forgive, heal and grow

in love, compassion and soul wisdom

– on our Sacred Journey.”

Juerg Dreamturtle

It is of course always our choice how deep we wish to go and how much we wish to face, transform and heal on our own journey.

The true gift and fulfillment of journeying with someone who is open for all of this – someone who also has a good sense of humour, sensitivity, honesty and capacity to love – is the solidity, strength and union you build overtime within yourself AND together as a couple.

Copyright © Jaymie Elder, 2019/21


jaymiejuergsicily-2

Jaymie Elder and Juerg Dreamturtle

Our work is to support people on their soul journey. I am dedicated to my own personal healing and shadow work in a relationship with Juerg Dreamturtle (we have been journeying, traveling, creating and doing this healing/shadow work together for 15 years).

We do not pretend to be perfect because we know we can always continue to heal and grow more. Juerg and I share a core belief that our inner work of healing and growing is the most important, beneficial part of our journey we can devote ourselves to in this life…not only for ourselves and our relationship, but for all people and Mother Earth.

Juerg and I are offering support for this very important personal work, which helps us to heal and grow to a deeper level of love, compassion and soul wisdom. Both Juerg and I offer personal sessions for individuals/couples. Sessions are available internationally via Skype/Telegram/Facebook Messenger.


Copyright © Jaymie Elder 2019 – Please only use this text unless written permission is received from Jaymie Elder. Photograph of Sculpture: artwork by Alexander Milov.


More reading from Rainbowtree Woman about the Soul Journey
and the path of healing and transformation: – Click here

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Email Jaymie: rainbowtreewoman@yahoo.co.nz

Do you long to experience life more from the level of your heart and soul…?

1 year ago, I was asking a question to my spirit guides about what this really means… and this was their reply to me…

Human beings naturally crave structure, security,
or a clear and straight path laid out before them.
Many search for a spiritual leader or community,
a daily routine, ‘an acceptable way’ to follow –
so life feels more safe, predictable and ‘known’…

But the heart yearns for the deeper springs of life
and the path of the soul
is uniquely your own.

It’s a pathway that you forge into the unknown
and only your heart can intuitively feel/know
what is right and true for you.

If you really choose this path,
with all your heart and being,
know that you will be challenged.

You will need courage and perseverance
to keep opening your heart
towards the unhealed shadow
– of which has been ‘hidden’ to you…

Experiences which may come to you
won’t always be easy, pleasant or beautiful…
It may sometimes feel as if you walk a lonely path
but you will always be much closer to us than you know…

Above all,…you will grow,…

There will be others…
Soul friends and spiritual companions to meet again,
Soul family to share laughter, tears,
wisdom and experiences along the way…

It will not matter,
if you only cross paths for a short moment
or never meet each other in the physical.
It’s the mutual exchange of heart energy,
which has the power to transform, heal,
inspire and illuminate lives.

Dear one,
to live your life from the level of the heart and soul
means to become conscious of your old wounds
and from these limiting beliefs and conditioning,
create new, loving and joyful possibilities…

It means to recognise the importance of your inner work
and honour yourself as a sacred conduit –
here to shine your inner light

& help raise the consciousness and heart energy
on beautiful Mother Earth…

It means wherever possible,
guided by your feelings and heart
– to transform darkness, hurt and fear
into light, love, forgiveness, beauty,
 gratitude and fulfillment.

This is the magic,
the spiritual alchemy,
the infinite possibility,
the authenticity, humility and freedom
of living – connected and true –
to your heart and soul.

Copyright © Jaymie Elder / Rainbowtree Woman 2018/2020

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“The knowledge of the heart is in no book
and is not to be found in the mouth of any teacher,
but grows out of you like the green seed from the dark earth.”
– Carl Jung (The Red Book)

Copyright © Jaymie Elder 2020 – Please only use this text unless written permission is received from Jaymie Elder. If you wish to use only some of this text on social media – please do so respectfully by acknowledging Jaymie as the author with links to her website/blog http://www.rainbowtreewoman.com.

If you enjoyed this post, please share it, follow my blog or register to receive notifications in your email box for my future posts. Thank you!


More reading from Rainbowtree Woman about the Soul Journey
and the path of healing and transformation: – Click here

More information about working with Jaymie, in personal sessions: – Click here

Follow Rainbowtree Woman on: Instagram
Email Jaymie: rainbowtreewoman@yahoo.co.nz

See the value of more resting, listening, reflecting, feeling and being…

…see the value of more resting, listening,
reflecting, feeling and being…

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Today, women find it challenging to create enough time and space to nurture their inner world. Often overlooked or neglected, this can eventually lead to all kinds of physical, mental and emotional problems such as chronic fatigue, depression, period pain or feeling unbalanced, overwhelmed, easily stressed and a lack of meaning and depth to one’s life.

Almost like an overused “cliché”, we hear the word “Soul” through the new age and spiritual community. However, we lack access to the authentic wisdom about how we women might bring more soul fulfillment and the sacred feminine into our everyday lives.

To be clear and without judgment (each stage of our journey has valuable lessons and this is not about feeling “pressured”), I am not suggesting we pamper ourselves in self-indulgent, self-care methods that only achieve short-term, superficial results.

Sometimes it is wonderful to feel pampered. However, while some of these popular outer methods may give us a quick and easy “lift” they often have no value or depth of meaning for the soul. And so, we make no personal, beneficial changes and we continue the cycle of our repetitive, self-harming patterns, unhealthy relationships or doing and caring too much for the needs of others.

Instead, I am referring to all the ways, which we may feed ourselves internally using methods, rituals and practices that are self-sustaining, enriching and nourishing for our inner selves, our heart, womb and soul.

For example, taking time out for ourselves to rest and be alone with the elements of nature, journal writing and connecting in with our spirit guides, expressing our creativity through music, art or dance, sacred ritual and ceremony, receiving and living in harmony with the deeper messages of the seasons and cycles of the moon, inner-child healing and shadow work,…

While this may sound like a lot of work or a life-long commitment, we can begin by simply recognising the gifts and healing benefits of what is around us and available to us today,.. right now,.. in this moment.

What the soul longs for
has nothing to do with the ego’s superficial,
wants, ambitions or desires.

I experience my soul longing as an ancient calling –
to come back into alignment with my authentic being,
the unconditional love of Self
and the true path of my hearts knowing.

Sometimes, it’s more about being happy
with the beauty and blessings,
which surround you, right now,
and trusting your journey of unfoldment
rather than constantly thinking you should be somewhere else
or “further ahead”, in order to be happy and fulfilled.

DSC01474 (2)

The healing energy of Mother Earth, which is unconditional love, helps us to ground ourselves but also, do our inner work and come to a place of love and compassion for ourselves and others.

It is my belief that as we do our soul-work of inner transformation and healing, we take our ancestors with us. We are all connected; therefore, all our ancestors live, learn and love together with and through us on our soul journey.

In your alone time in nature or in meditation, try the simple exercise of asking the women in your ancestral lineage to come forward and be near you. Be receptive to who is making their energetic presence known to you. It could be your grandmother who has recently passed over… or, it could be a female ancestor whom you have never met in this lifetime.

While you may think you are sitting alone, you will soon realise that in fact you are never alone. There is more love, strength, wisdom and energy available to us than we can possibly comprehend with our human understanding or perceived-limited-reality.

…When we rest and nourish our soul in ways
that support our healing and authentic being,
we find we naturally are better,
more balanced, loving and giving
mothers, lovers, partners, daughters,
co-workers, sisters and friends…

This is why it is so important we create enough time and space to nurture our inner world – our soul.


Photography and text © Jaymie Elder April 2019

My work is supporting and mentoring women to embrace their authentic being and be true to the ancient calling of their heart and soul. I offer intuitive guidance and support through Soul Sessions, which take place internationally via Skype. Soul Sessions are a unique chance to feel, reflect and connect with the deeper part of your being – your heart and soul.

rainbowtreewomansoulsessions

The Soul Purpose of our Journey

“The most essential in your life is your own being.

Without knowing the true essence of your being,
your heart will always remain empty and dissatisfied.

Without recognition of who you are, without inwardly awakening to that,
you stumble like a drunkard through a maze of meaningless limitations.

Remember your Self…

If you want to awaken to reality, no spiritual entertainment technique can help you.
You may have to go through the pain of disillusionment, but that’s in fact your liberation.

It is time to face yourself.

– Gayan Sylvie Winter and Jo Dose (The Native American Wisdom Tarot)

via The Soul Purpose of our Journey

What I have learned about Sacred Sadness

“It’s not really sadness that gives you pain.
It is the interpretation that sadness is wrong that gives you pain,
that becomes a psychological problem…
How long can you be sad if you accept sadness?
If you are capable of accepting sadness
you will be capable of absorbing it in your being;
it will become your depth…” – Osho

 

Usually, we want to avoid, distract ourselves or move away from sadness as quickly as possible.

In a room full of people, it is the “sad” person who is being ignored by everyone because it is easier and more pleasant to wear a mask of pretend “happiness”.

We can do anything and everything to pretend our sadness is not really there, so as to protect ourselves from being overwhelmed by its presence.

This is especially true for men, who are culturally conditioned to be the strong protectors, work hard, fight and strive to create solutions – as opposed to showing the softer feelings of their vulnerability, lack of self-worth and fear.

Making our lives endlessly and excessively busy, we can become addicted to stress. This is a way many people in our modern society choose to avoid feeling their sadness. Today’s high rates of depression and suicide in many parts of our developed world are clear signs that we need to look at sadness, in new ways.

 

What if we embrace our sadness,
wrap our arms around it
and ask what gifts it can offer us?

 

sadnessstatue
Some people I have met in my life, expressed humour, laughter and joy, while they were also equally connected to their gentle sadness. This is because they feel and share from their authentic self and their open heart. They allow tears of joy and sadness to flow spontaneously from their eyes and heart.

I am referring to people who have experienced challenging life situations, which pushed them into the depths of their heart. These people are open to ask questions and listen for answers,… answers, which can only come through solitude, patience and intimacy with our true feelings and emotions.

By consciously going within, which most of us try to avoid, these people have accepted that sadness is a natural and authentic part of our sometimes challenging, human experience.

 

Sacred Sadness opens our heart –

to our deepest feelings of vulnerability and gentle love.
But also, it offers us the opportunity to feel compassion
and share more intimacy and kindness
in our relationships and with all beings.

When we feel the subtle energy of our Sacred Sadness,
we are not hurt, angry, a victim, sitting in judgment
or still looking for retribution for all the “wrongs”
that we experienced through other’s actions in the past.

We are simply ready and open
to feel in our heart,
our longing for love, forgiveness and compassion.

 

Hiding from our sadness, means we compromise for a superficial existence. We do not want (or are afraid) to feel the highs and lows of our life. To avoid the risk of making ourselves vulnerable, we close ourselves off from sharing love or being in a loving relationship. We play safe – so we cannot get hurt.

Avoiding our sadness can lead us on a path of never experiencing heart-felt empathy or compassion for others. Being open to feel our sadness can help us to relate to how another person feels in the deepest, darkest, most vulnerable moments of their life.

Numbing our sadness may help us to cope in our life for some time…but ultimately, this will drain our creative energy, our life-force and prevent us from making choices that move us forward on our journey – in the direction our heart and soul are longing for.

 

The more I heal and grow on my journey,
the more comfortable I am to truly be,
in the stillness and beauty of my Sacred Sadness.

I have learned to trust
that just like the season of winter,

this gentle sadness can offer me valuable gifts
– if I welcome it, with an open, loving heart.

 

snowtree

Sacred Sadness asks me to slow down –
to be more present and honest
with my feelings and emotions.

The closer I live with the natural rhythms of nature,
in ways that support my authentic self,
the more I have observed that my healing journey
resembles a continuously flowing spiral.

This spiral provides me with many opportunities
to go deeper – forgive, feel more love
and become more conscious.


I see sadness as invaluable to the spirals flow,

because it pulls me inward to its center
– towards my heart and to love.

 

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Sacred Sadness and Juerg Dreamturtle


14 years ago, I met my soul partner Juerg. Almost immediately, he shared one of his key teachings – “Our Sacred Sadness”. He explained to me that our Sacred Sadness is the golden door to the deeper healing work of our heart.

 

“Sacred Sadness of our open feeling heart
connects us with the experiences and people in our life
we long to forgive, feel love and compassion more deeply.

Sacred Sadness connects us with the aspects of our life
where we are not in harmony with our heart,
soul wisdom and our sacred life.”

Juerg Dreamturtle

 

My journey together with Juerg has taught me that Sacred Sadness wants to flow like water through us, at any moment.

river

I have to be really present and open for what Sacred Sadness is trying to show me about my life. This sadness can be triggered through another person, an animal, a song, a place or any other object or experience. In the end, it’s my choice whether to be receptive to my Sacred Sadness and pay attention for the “hidden” messages coming from my soul.

My journey has also shown me that it is not about receiving instant answers or lightning-bolt-revelations. Misty, grey and foggy days may prevent us from seeing far ahead – but in these moments we need to trust and above all, be patient and kind to ourselves.

During the season of winter, the energy moves inward….everything slows down and becomes quiet above the surface. Despite this, nothing in nature is ever completely dormant…there is a deeper, magical and mysterious process going on within. In winter, it’s important to remember, we do not need to explain or rationalise our inner process to ourselves or others.

It is my belief that one of the reasons so many young people are experiencing depression in our world is that they are not connected with these cycles and rhythms of nature, which of course we are all a part of. Young people are looking out at the world through the window of a social-media-screen where acceptance and value are put on “happiness”… but this happiness is often not really ever based on truth – it’s what we would like others to believe about our life and who we are, because we don’t believe in or truly feel good about ourselves.

It’s not easy for everyone to do,… but sometimes, the simple and best choice is to take a step back and lower the noise from the outer world, e.g. from technology, social media or whatever else drains our energy and makes it difficult for us to hear the voice and rhythm of our own authentic music – coming from our soul. Spending more time in nature, wherever we are and can, will give us what we are truly seeking and needing.

flower

I have found that the more I can listen and follow the gentle guidance of my Sacred Sadness:

I can transform its energy into a deeper sense of love, completion, compassion and forgiveness.

I can begin to see my life’s path more clearly and feel more love for the people and experiences that have given me valuable (but not always pleasant) lessons.

I stop expecting my life to be an endless string of “sunny, happy moments”. Indeed, it is the sad and challenging moments, which give meaning and depth to my life and help me to grow in compassion and understanding towards others.

I have more energy and courage to follow my heart and continue to make choices that truly resonate with my unique self – my authentic, soul journey.

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Our work is to support people to heal and grow on their soul journey


Juerg and I are both dedicated to our own personal healing and shadow work in our relationship. We have been journeying, travelling, creating and consciously doing this healing/shadow work together for 14 years.

We offer guidance and support for individuals/couples through personal sessions to heal and grow. Sessions are available internationally via Skype.

If you would like to do a personal session with either myself or Juerg, to connect with your Sacred Sadness or your core wound in this and other lifetimes, which longs for healing, growth and soul wisdom, please contact us. We make sure everyone can afford a session with us. Write to us and we will find a way to make it happen.

Learn more about personal sessions with Juerg

Learn more about a Soul Session with Jaymie

 

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Copyright © Jaymie Elder 2018. If you wish to use or share some of my writing on social media – please do so respectfully by acknowledging myself as the author & photographer with links to my website/blog www.rainbowtreewoman.com. All photography in this post, Copyright © Jaymie Elder (except featured photo beside the river, by Juerg Dreamturtle)

Please share your feedback in the comments below…or, write a personal message to me; any questions you may have based on this post, my/our work or just to say hello 🙂 If you enjoyed this post, please share it, follow my blog or register to receive notifications in your email box for my future posts.

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More reading from Rainbowtree Woman about the Soul Journey
and the path of healing and transformation: – Click here

Follow Rainbowtree Woman on:
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Email Jaymie: rainbowtreewoman@yahoo.co.nz